she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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