Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
