that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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