And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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