I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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