In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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