I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
