its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
