It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's never too late to be topless.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
