she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
