tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
