he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
