I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
...so i touched it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
