Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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