8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
