Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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