I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
