i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
