Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im holly from the hills drunk
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Randomize
