i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
