I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
