No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
