If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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