Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
