Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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