your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
