Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
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