just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're a waste of cheezeits
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
