He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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