go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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