Just fell off a train. Bad.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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