Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
