You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
