I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You are the jesus of drinking
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
