My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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