Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
time to smoke my breakfast
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
