Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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