I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
