You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
