My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
