Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
