I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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