After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
