I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I AM VODKA MAN
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
