i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
