So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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