i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
