Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
