dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
