Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
