You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
