I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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