one word: firstdatebathroomanal
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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