What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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