The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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