I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
